In the past, I've conducted investigative reports on steroid smuggling in Mexico and the sex and drug scene in Thailand. I've taken risks; I've broken the law. I was almost knifed in a border town, detained in Canada, arrested in El Paso, and groped by lady-boys in Bangkok. In this blog series, I attend wiener classes offered by typical gyms.

This is much tougher.

If you missed the first two parts, you can find them here: Power Abs, Spinning.


Undercover Wiener: Body Pump

Tuesday, 6:00AM: Today is the day. Today at 5:30 PM I'll take the class I've been dreading the most: Body Pump.

In case you don't know, Body Pump is the latest craze in big commercial gyms, claiming to be the most successful group fitness program in history. It's basically a cardio class using a very light barbell.

Some of the ad copy reads, "Body Pump gives you a better posture, reduces your body fat, and increases muscle tone and definition without the bulk. Each exercise lasts the length of one track of music, with pauses between tracks used to alter weight levels. The big hit 'Everybody' by the Backstreet Boys is a Body Pump favorite."

Oh. My. God. I get to listen to the Backstreet Boys while not getting all "bulky?" Somebody kill me.

The class lasts one hour and claims to burn up to 600 calories while "shaping and toning" your muscles. Real Body Pump classes (the official Les Mills stuff) are always the same, with workouts released by the Body Pump people every three months. The instructors aren't allowed to improvise or choose their own music. Everything is pre-choreographed with set regimens. (There are copycat classes that don't do this, however.)

I have mixed feelings already. Like most of you reading this, language like "toning" and "non-bulking" and "light weights" sends shivers up my spine and threatens to poison my rusty barbell roots. It's just so. . . wiener.

But the other part of me, the part that sees the obesity rate booming, is glad to see that Body Pump is drawing people into the gym -- folks that might have otherwise stayed away.

And hey, Body Pump really does use presses and squats and other weight training exercises. Maybe it will gently introduce housewives, metrosexuals, and others who fear getting "too big" to resistance training. Maybe, just maybe, Body Pump will be the gateway drug they need to allow them to step into the (gasp!) free weight area of the gym. Let's hope so.

Tuesday, 7:00 PM: I'm back from Body Pump. Overall impression: easy. Feels like I haven't even trained. Compared to how I felt coming home from spinning (soaked in sweat, taxed belond belief, etc) Body Pump was a walk in the park.

Don't get me wrong, the class had its moments. I skipped a few reps here and there to let the burn subside a little. Going from 4 to 10 reps using heavy weights to hundreds (thousands?) of reps, well, it's kinda shocking to the body to say the least. Here's the breakdown.

The class consisted of a warm-up using almost all of the movements that would come later in the hour-long class. The main exercises were squats, rows (sometimes with a deadlift from the hang thrown in), "bench" presses (using a step), curls, triceps presses (skull crushers), overhead press, lateral raises (holding light plates), upright rows (these were part of an overhead press hybrid some of the time), and lunges. The class ended with some ab work and stretching.

Before class started, a man in his 50's came up, introduced himself, and told me about how he and his wife love the class and come three times per week. "I like it because the instructor tells me what to do. I work my whole body in an hour and don't have to think or pick out machines or anything."

Oooookay. I've never been one to avoid thinking, but I guess some people just like to be told what to do in the gym. I talked to a personal trainer friend of mine and she agreed, telling me that some people want the results but have no interest in learning anything. Their attitude is "Tell me what to do but don't try to teach me anything about why I'm doing it."

I guess this is sort of how I feel about cars. I like them, I need them, but I couldn't care less about how their insides work. I just want to get in and go. Some people think the same about fitness. Strikes me as stupid because we're talking about your body here. You'd think people would have some interest in their own "vehicle." It's kinda important, ya know?

Anyway, this guy told me that just the squatting portion of the class consisted of over 130 reps. Now, yes, the class uses ridiculously light weights, but when you get over 100 reps in anything, the burn kicks in like a mother. I only had about 15kg on my back, but it became obvious after 100 reps where the "pump" part of the name came from.

And by the way, most of these reps used a 3 second eccentric (negative) and some were partials with no lockout. Go ahead, stand up right now and do 131 body weight squats, with about half of them using a slow tempo. It's tougher than you think.

Most people in the class had two bars set up before it all started, one light and one "heavy," but most also adjusted weights as we switched exercises. Each bar uses quick release clamps to hold the plastic plates on. The plates were called small, medium, and large: 2.5 lbs, 5.5 lbs and 11 lbs. The bar weighed 4 pounds.

Each exercise lasted about one song (very bad techno usually, but no Backstreet Boys, praise the Lord), but the tempo was changed often. I wouldn't call it Super Slow, but a lot of the tempo prescriptions were in the 313 range. (That's 3 seconds down, 1 second pause, and 3 seconds up.) These were blended with "fast ones" in the 111 area, along with a handful of isometric holds with movements like curls.

The instructor gave weight suggestions since there were a few newbies in the class besides me. Once she came over to me and said, "For this next one, you should use the big plates." I swelled with pride, loving the fact that she recognized my superior muscularity compared to the other men in the class. . .

This lasted about 10 seconds, because I soon realized the buff chick in front of me was using double the weight I was! Clearly a lesbian. Or so I told myself.

After class I stayed a while talking to the instructor, a thin but "toned" blonde. She told me that Body Pump wasn't a replacement for what you do "out there" (she gestured to the free weights area), but just a supplement.

I was impressed that she'd say this, but it was clear that many of the people in class didn't abide by that advice. Body Pump was their only form of weight training. Better than nothing, sure, but doing 100-plus reps per exercise is obviously limiting.

Here's the class breakdown:

Hawt asses: 3
Non-hawt asses: 6
Number of men in class besides me: 3
Homeless crazy guys who can't speak English: 1

Although parts of it were tough (the lactic acid burn of high reps), I barely broke a sweat. I left feeling like I hadn't really trained, not even energy systems work. But again, I didn't use enough weight.

Will I do it again? Doubtfully. Today was my off day from regular weight training, and I supposed parts of the class were like a "feeder workout" guys like Thibaudeau, Waterbury, and Tate have written about. But really, there was too much emphasis on the eccentric to truly call it a feeder/pumping session.

But, if you're taking a class like this strictly for the chance to ogle hawt ass, then you're in luck. Lots of bentover rows and squats make this a visually exciting class if you plant yourself on the back row (ya pervert.) And of all the aerobic classes offered by gyms, I think Body Pump will attract the hawtest of the hawt asses.

Now, did they get hawt from Body Pump alone? I doubt it, but any free weight based class is sure to attract a higher percentage of the type of women most of us here at T-Nation prefer: those with some muscle in their hustle.

Wednesday, 9:00AM: I'm starting to feel a little lower body soreness kick in. Nothing bad though, but I usually give it 24 hours before judging it, so I'll report later.

Next Up: Yoga

Shugs that sounds horrible, worst one yet. BTW, your English seems fine.

OK, I have to know, what the duece was a homeless guy that can't speak English doing in the class? Also, was he using more weight than you?

On a more serious note, Waterbury has people doing similar stuff in his WSP II. You are right, when you get to around 100, it hurts. I can only imagine what it is like to go 130 or more.

Another enjoyable article at your expense...Thanks!

I started to wonder while reading this article, does the gym (and/or the instructors) know why you are there? If so, what are their thoughts on it?

Yoga's next... you may want to call up Mike or Eric and have them overnight ship you a Magnificent Mobility DVD, just to warm up. With some of those moves you may just get to see your own ass from a new angle.

Definately looking forward to this one!

How effective do you think the workouts would have been with heavier weight? Was there any reason you didn't go heavier? I can imagine that if you took the class repeatedly you would need to continuously up the weight.

And Yoga? You're kidding right? I think I can speak for the entire T-Nation community when I say you do not need to put yourself through that just for us.

To paraphrase John Belushi in "Animal House:"

"Yoga, Yoga, Yoga!"

Does your gym do the "chair aerobics" for the seniors? I can just see you in that one. The music for it has to be the best!

Maybe see if they will let you shadow one of their trainers for a few weeks and you can put us all into laughing fits over (a) what they put up with, and (b) what the clients put them through

"Benching."

This would have been funnier if we'd have sent Dave Tate in there. Might have had to liquor him up first. A lot.

The body pump classes at a local fitness first i work out of occassionally are always packed like 30 people in one class. problem being is looking at the class side on through the windows you can see a wave of poor form eminating from the back of the class and improving the closer to the instructor one gets. Sure its only 10kg rows your doing with your back arched, but when you move into the free weights area with that form your looking for trouble.

In that respect i feel the instructor isnt doing his or her job. But then again getting around a class of 30 to correct bad form would be alotto ask.

Your a braver man than i Chris

The nice thing about yoga is it really hammers flexibility around the hips, which is so lacking in probably 99% of people out there.

It's also a very efficient way to stretch. One position might stretch your calves, hamstrings, hip flexors, stomach, pecs, neck, and forearms all at once. It can save you a ton of time when stretching if you're willing to put your ego away long enough to learn some yoga.