Here's a rough draft of a rap I wrote n recorded. Actually it's only a verse, not a whole rap. Still some polishing to do with the delivery which will probably improve when I stop having to read the rap off of a paper, and the audio's a little off at some points but I decided to put it up to see what the hip hop heads think.
Rohnyn wrote:
Nice try but you have no delivery. You lack enunciation and rhythm. Try more, you'll get it. Where are you from? The South?
Yeah I'm from the South, how can you tell? haha, but yeah I don't expect my delivery or rhythm to be close, since I'm still reading off a paper. When I get back home I'll actually have access to a legit booth which will be fun, right now I"m just speaking into my Mac.
TheBodyGuard wrote:
I suggest that you make sure you have an education, trade and/or you do not quit your day job.
Haha I won't I wonder why rapping is the only endeavor that overwhelmingly receives responses like this. When someone picks up a guitar, automatically people don't say "Don't quit your day job." or when they start or ask "So you think you're going to be in a major band soon or what?"
It's like people think there is no reason to start rapping and writing unless you think you will get big for it.
You sound like you're trying to be quiet. To get that flow down you need to get into it. I have some friends who may not have the coolest sounding voices, but they have energy in their voices and it makes them sound pretty sick. Try rapping louder, I think it'll help.
Here's a rough draft of a rap I wrote n recorded. Actually it's only a verse, not a whole rap. Still some polishing to do with the delivery which will probably improve when I stop having to read the rap off of a paper, and the audio's a little off at some points but I decided to put it up to see what the hip hop heads think.
You pretty much nailed your flaws in your own post. I bet there'd be an immediate improvement if you had your lines memorized. There are a few things I think I could add:
-yeah you do sort of sound soft [no shots], but if I recall correctly, you're around the same age as me. In which case, a big part of your future improvement will probably come with age. Listen to a song like "Brain Damage" of Eminem's first album. He sounded like a twirp [even if he was sort of using it for a sound]. Drake's sounded like a twirp two years ago, and to a large extent still does [he gets around it, too]. Of course, practice is still in order.
-I know people are going to disagree with me on this, but really make the highest priority sounding good over a beat. People like to emphasize lyrical themes, and verbal acrobatics when explaining why their favourite rapper is great, so it's pretty easy to forget this. Honestly, people come up with the weirdest theories as to why hip hop sounds different [or why it;s dying] every year but aside from longer periods [decade to decade] it's pretty simple. Different styles of production become popular, and the rapper that get big are usually guys who can flow over those beats. There are a few guys who have built careers being able to change their styles to suit new production styles.
-don't be afraid to jack a famous rappers flow for now, or borrow elements. You'll eventually start to add in your own elements as you find your own voice.
Of course, you and I have different taste in hip hop, but I think some of the tips would still apply.
Join date: Oct 2002
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1531
That One Guy wrote:
TheBodyGuard wrote:
I suggest that you make sure you have an education, trade and/or you do not quit your day job.
Haha I won't I wonder why rapping is the only endeavor that overwhelmingly receives responses like this. When someone picks up a guitar, automatically people don't say "Don't quit your day job." or when they start or ask "So you think you're going to be in a major band soon or what?"
It's like people think there is no reason to start rapping and writing unless you think you will get big for it.
Fair response, so I'll respond in kind. I guess some of us see no point in pursuing something unless its going to lead somewhere. I'm an all or nothing personality. If I do something, I'm in all the way and I want to be the best.
Anyway, you're not much of a rapper, but there are other ways to make it "big". Like writing. The writing isn't bad. Rapping now is like trying to make a professional sports team. So many people trying to make it, some very talented, others not so.
In the end, I guess I don't understand "dabbling" in something.
Here's a rough draft of a rap I wrote n recorded. Actually it's only a verse, not a whole rap. Still some polishing to do with the delivery which will probably improve when I stop having to read the rap off of a paper, and the audio's a little off at some points but I decided to put it up to see what the hip hop heads think.
You pretty much nailed your flaws in your own post. I bet there'd be an immediate improvement if you had your lines memorized. There are a few things I think I could add:
-yeah you do sort of sound soft [no shots], but if I recall correctly, you're around the same age as me. In which case, a big part of your future improvement will probably come with age. Listen to a song like "Brain Damage" of Eminem's first album. He sounded like a twirp [even if he was sort of using it for a sound]. Drake's sounded like a twirp two years ago, and to a large extent still does [he gets around it, too]. Of course, practice is still in order.
-I know people are going to disagree with me on this, but really make the highest priority sounding good over a beat. People like to emphasize lyrical themes, and verbal acrobatics when explaining why their favourite rapper is great, so it's pretty easy to forget this. Honestly, people come up with the weirdest theories as to why hip hop sounds different [or why it;s dying] every year but aside from longer periods [decade to decade] it's pretty simple. Different styles of production become popular, and the rapper that get big are usually guys who can flow over those beats. There are a few guys who have built careers being able to change their styles to suit new production styles.
-don't be afraid to jack a famous rappers flow for now, or borrow elements. You'll eventually start to add in your own elements as you find your own voice.
Of course, you and I have different taste in hip hop, but I think some of the tips would still apply.
I basically agree with you, I was tinkering with some ideas before I fell asleep and thought that lowering the recording volume might help so that I have to enunciate and be loud to be heard.
Edit: obviously the plan is to be able to have delivery under any circumstances but for the most part I think "rhythm: you have it or you don't" is a fallacy (+5 points to whoever knows where that's from without googling it) and delivery and vocal prescence is probably the last thing that any rapper develops.
TheBodyGuard wrote:
I suggest that you make sure you have an education, trade and/or you do not quit your day job.
Haha I won't I wonder why rapping is the only endeavor that overwhelmingly receives responses like this. When someone picks up a guitar, automatically people don't say "Don't quit your day job." or when they start or ask "So you think you're going to be in a major band soon or what?"
It's like people think there is no reason to start rapping and writing unless you think you will get big for it.
Fair response, so I'll respond in kind. I guess some of us see no point in pursuing something unless its going to lead somewhere. I'm an all or nothing personality. If I do something, I'm in all the way and I want to be the best.
Anyway, you're not much of a rapper, but there are other ways to make it "big". Like writing. The writing isn't bad. Rapping now is like trying to make a professional sports team. So many people trying to make it, some very talented, others not so.
In the end, I guess I don't understand "dabbling" in something.
Ah your analogy is perfect for commercially successful rappers, but there are those that get good at their trade and never try to succeed commercially, because succeeding commercially is as likely as getting to the NFL, maybe even less so due to how few successful rappers there are compared to the numbers of paid NFL players. But I'm not "dabbling", I want to be as good as I can get, like learning any skill I know I have to be persistent, not just consistent, and strive to critique myself and improve my flaws. It takes years for someone to be very good at rapping, much like it takes years to build a great physique, but I'm not going to stop just because it's a marathon, just like I will continue to lift for the rest of my life.
TheBodyGuard wrote:
I suggest that you make sure you have an education, trade and/or you do not quit your day job.
Haha I won't I wonder why rapping is the only endeavor that overwhelmingly receives responses like this. When someone picks up a guitar, automatically people don't say "Don't quit your day job." or when they start or ask "So you think you're going to be in a major band soon or what?"
It's like people think there is no reason to start rapping and writing unless you think you will get big for it.
Fair response, so I'll respond in kind. I guess some of us see no point in pursuing something unless its going to lead somewhere. I'm an all or nothing personality. If I do something, I'm in all the way and I want to be the best.
Anyway, you're not much of a rapper, but there are other ways to make it "big". Like writing. The writing isn't bad. Rapping now is like trying to make a professional sports team. So many people trying to make it, some very talented, others not so.
In the end, I guess I don't understand "dabbling" in something.
Ah your analogy is perfect for commercially successful rappers, but there are those that get good at their trade and never try to succeed commercially, because succeeding commercially is as likely as getting to the NFL, maybe even less so due to how few successful rappers there are compared to the numbers of paid NFL players. But I'm not "dabbling", I want to be as good as I can get, like learning any skill I know I have to be persistent, not just consistent, and strive to critique myself and improve my flaws. It takes years for someone to be very good at rapping, much like it takes years to build a great physique, but I'm not going to stop just because it's a marathon, just like I will continue to lift for the rest of my life.
I'd say you're pretty good but you're not pissed off or very complex, you understand?
To elucidate, you have rappers and groups like Dre and the Wu-Tang that say things like 'if you fuck with me I'll tear out your fucking intestines and strangle you with them.', as well as less mainstream groups like Why? and Eyedea and Abilities that say things like 'I sleep on my back because it's good for the spine, and coffin rehearsal'. But you have your own weird thing going on where your delivery is very chill and detached but your lyrics are mildly belligerent, but (no asshole here) slightly boring. Either get angry or get weird, as long as you get imaginative. In summary, find a rap forum and post on it.
When I was lurkin, a guy posted a rap on here and get torn apart.
Honestly imo it was better than this, not by much, but still better.
I guess the trolls jumped ship or something.
Join date: Dec 2008
Location: Michigan, USA
Posts: 189
To me, it was bad dude. Maybe it would sound better once you memorize it, but it's easy to tell you're reading it. Like some suggested, work on your delivery and mostly your voice...you sound scared and MCing is all about attitude and just killin' the mic. The suggestion to put that over a Dilla beat is just nonsense considering he's one of the best beatmakers EVER. Yes, you can rhyme your words, but your rhymes are elementary/simple. Get creative, rhyme more syllables together...not just "tame, game, brain, maintain"...make sense?
Not trying to rip you, just give you advice. I used to be in a hip hop group back in my college days and did shows all over the Midwest opening up for people like Slum Village, One Be lo and El Da Sensai to name a few. I'm not bragging, I just know what it takes. When I first began I started out the same way just throwing words together making no sense. Keep practicing and you'll get better. The more you write, the better you'll get...be creative and work on your voice. MCing is a craft you sharpen, similar to bodybuidling.
jlutz3 wrote:
To me, it was bad dude. Maybe it would sound better once you memorize it, but it's easy to tell you're reading it. Like some suggested, work on your delivery and mostly your voice...you sound scared and MCing is all about attitude and just killin' the mic. The suggestion to put that over a Dilla beat is just nonsense considering he's one of the best beatmakers EVER. Yes, you can rhyme your words, but your rhymes are elementary/simple. Get creative, rhyme more syllables together...not just "tame, game, brain, maintain"...make sense?
Not trying to rip you, just give you advice. I used to be in a hip hop group back in my college days and did shows all over the Midwest opening up for people like Slum Village, One Be lo and El Da Sensai to name a few. I'm not bragging, I just know what it takes. When I first began I started out the same way just throwing words together making no sense. Keep practicing and you'll get better. The more you write, the better you'll get...be creative and work on your voice. MCing is a craft you sharpen, similar to bodybuidling.
Fsho man, I know it's gonna be bad, unlike a lot of people I am able to admit that when I first start picking up a skill that I will suck, and I expect to. Right now I was thinking of keeping the rhyming simple, so that I could focus on the delivery and flo, instead of worrying about rhyming "hippopatamus" with "rock anonymous" or something like that. What do you think? How'd you progress in this thing.
Join date: Dec 2007
Location: Michigan, USA
Posts: 2143
That One Guy wrote:
jlutz3 wrote:
To me, it was bad dude. Maybe it would sound better once you memorize it, but it's easy to tell you're reading it. Like some suggested, work on your delivery and mostly your voice...you sound scared and MCing is all about attitude and just killin' the mic. The suggestion to put that over a Dilla beat is just nonsense considering he's one of the best beatmakers EVER. Yes, you can rhyme your words, but your rhymes are elementary/simple. Get creative, rhyme more syllables together...not just "tame, game, brain, maintain"...make sense?
Not trying to rip you, just give you advice. I used to be in a hip hop group back in my college days and did shows all over the Midwest opening up for people like Slum Village, One Be lo and El Da Sensai to name a few. I'm not bragging, I just know what it takes. When I first began I started out the same way just throwing words together making no sense. Keep practicing and you'll get better. The more you write, the better you'll get...be creative and work on your voice. MCing is a craft you sharpen, similar to bodybuidling.
Fsho man, I know it's gonna be bad, unlike a lot of people I am able to admit that when I first start picking up a skill that I will suck, and I expect to. Right now I was thinking of keeping the rhyming simple, so that I could focus on the delivery and flo, instead of worrying about rhyming "hippopatamus" with "rock anonymous" or something like that. What do you think? How'd you progress in this thing.
Why keep it simple? Do your best to take it to another level. Spit about some shit that stirs up emotions up in you...which will transfer through the mic and people will actually vibe with it.
like listen to this song by Joe Budden. Skill, passion, emotion all wrapped up in one. Bring the whole package not bits n pieces.
I remember growing up as a kid
opening up a fridge with nothing to give
pops smashing beer bottles and pounding fists
moms shedding tears, crouching by baby sisters crib
born into a rough life I never chose to live
All I can do is sweat and bleed, to try and give
my siblings a leadership role to make goals big
without struggle there's no absolute progress
without a genuine passion there's no conquest
Nowadays loyalty is such a rarity
I just sit back blowing trees
Thinking of palm trees and bliss full imagery
I am my own enemy, I am the one corrupting me
I am the one emotionally erupting
raging with fire and self inflicted cruelty
but the only thing keeping any of my sanity
is beautiful vanity brought forth through poetry
Join date: Dec 2008
Location: Michigan, USA
Posts: 189
That One Guy wrote:
jlutz3 wrote:
To me, it was bad dude. Maybe it would sound better once you memorize it, but it's easy to tell you're reading it. Like some suggested, work on your delivery and mostly your voice...you sound scared and MCing is all about attitude and just killin' the mic. The suggestion to put that over a Dilla beat is just nonsense considering he's one of the best beatmakers EVER. Yes, you can rhyme your words, but your rhymes are elementary/simple. Get creative, rhyme more syllables together...not just "tame, game, brain, maintain"...make sense?
Not trying to rip you, just give you advice. I used to be in a hip hop group back in my college days and did shows all over the Midwest opening up for people like Slum Village, One Be lo and El Da Sensai to name a few. I'm not bragging, I just know what it takes. When I first began I started out the same way just throwing words together making no sense. Keep practicing and you'll get better. The more you write, the better you'll get...be creative and work on your voice. MCing is a craft you sharpen, similar to bodybuidling.
Fsho man, I know it's gonna be bad, unlike a lot of people I am able to admit that when I first start picking up a skill that I will suck, and I expect to. Right now I was thinking of keeping the rhyming simple, so that I could focus on the delivery and flo, instead of worrying about rhyming "hippopatamus" with "rock anonymous" or something like that. What do you think? How'd you progress in this thing.
Really the only advice I can give you is to keep writing...that's the only way you'll get better. Don't stop. These days you can find instrumentals all over the place. Try to find someone who makes beats in your area and create a good relationship with him where he'll throw you beats either cheap or for free. I will say, memorizing your rhymes is the best way to work on your delivery (rather than reading). Like Carlito said, why keep it simple? Challenge yourself. Study your favorite MC's rhymes (literally study them) and pay attention to the way they flow, deliver, and their creative wordplay. Mold your influences into your own unique style...don't ever bite anyone's flow. I could go on for days...let me know if you need/want any more advice and feel free to send me more of your shit, I always love hearing people trying to come up and help 'em out.
I'm gonna disagree with the others [shockers] on the part of whether to work on flow/delivery first or everything, and say I like your approach. At least the way you described it [That One Guy], yeah you'd probably be better off working on how you say things instead of how complex the rhymes are.
My honest opinion is that what holds most rappers back is almost never how complex their rhymes are. In fact, the same goes for punchlines, and wordplay of the more complex variety. You'll probably hear a lot of people talking about how [insert whoever is big right now] sucks and that there are about 50 rappers who can write better rhymes or lines than him whenever there is talk about who's a good rapper. And they're right. There are probably more than 50. But writing great lines doesn't really make you a great rapper alone, since people listen to rap and don't just read it. [And besides, if they know more than 50, then why should any one of those rappers be famous? There's fuckin' 50 of 'em]
That's the problem with those Slaughterhouse guys. They're not bad as far as punchlines/wordplay go, but those guys just cannot get people to care about what their saying. They don't sound entertaining, and they're in the music profession- not good. This isn't meant to offend the guy that posted the Joe Budden song. I didn't think that was a bad song at all, it's just on the whole he's never really impressed me as a rapper.
The best rappers [IMO] are the ones who are the best at interacting with and flowing over the beats they are given/they find. This really should be rule number one, but unfortunately when discussing hip hop on an artistic level a lot of people try to major in the minors. People like to talk about hip hop's roots, but at the very beginning people never forgot this rule [and most big rappers still don't]. If you can get rule number one down, you're a good rapper. Then focus on the rest to be a great rapper.
That being said I don't want this to come off as me saying ignore what you're writing. In fact, I think you should keep the focus there, too. Just make sure not putting all the focus on punchlines/rhymes/wordplay, and instead make sure you put the brunt of the attention on developing a character/aesthetic/concept. Beats play into character and concept too, so it should always be a back and forth thing with writing and rapping over beats.
jlutz3 wrote:
To me, it was bad dude. Maybe it would sound better once you memorize it, but it's easy to tell you're reading it. Like some suggested, work on your delivery and mostly your voice...you sound scared and MCing is all about attitude and just killin' the mic. The suggestion to put that over a Dilla beat is just nonsense considering he's one of the best beatmakers EVER. Yes, you can rhyme your words, but your rhymes are elementary/simple. Get creative, rhyme more syllables together...not just "tame, game, brain, maintain"...make sense?
Not trying to rip you, just give you advice. I used to be in a hip hop group back in my college days and did shows all over the Midwest opening up for people like Slum Village, One Be lo and El Da Sensai to name a few. I'm not bragging, I just know what it takes. When I first began I started out the same way just throwing words together making no sense. Keep practicing and you'll get better. The more you write, the better you'll get...be creative and work on your voice. MCing is a craft you sharpen, similar to bodybuidling.
Fsho man, I know it's gonna be bad, unlike a lot of people I am able to admit that when I first start picking up a skill that I will suck, and I expect to. Right now I was thinking of keeping the rhyming simple, so that I could focus on the delivery and flo, instead of worrying about rhyming "hippopatamus" with "rock anonymous" or something like that. What do you think? How'd you progress in this thing.
Really the only advice I can give you is to keep writing...that's the only way you'll get better. Don't stop. These days you can find instrumentals all over the place. Try to find someone who makes beats in your area and create a good relationship with him where he'll throw you beats either cheap or for free. I will say, memorizing your rhymes is the best way to work on your delivery (rather than reading). Like Carlito said, why keep it simple? Challenge yourself. Study your favorite MC's rhymes (literally study them) and pay attention to the way they flow, deliver, and their creative wordplay. Mold your influences into your own unique style...don't ever bite anyone's flow. I could go on for days...let me know if you need/want any more advice and feel free to send me more of your shit, I always love hearing people trying to come up and help 'em out.
Cool, basically what I"ve been doing, I feel like I have better rhythm and flow when I'm freestyling, that is when I actually reach a stretch of time where I'm not fumbling over myself, it's just hard to transfer that into writing. But I think I see what yall were saying about my timing and flow, now that I look back it was so off. Gonna rewrite.
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