My wife is working through anxiety issues. Lexapro does not kill libido and it has made her life much better, but orgasms have gone from being easy to moderate to being difficult or not at all the last couple of months. I guess this indirectly affects libido. I do not mind putting in the work, but they used to always come even if it took a little more work. Now no telling.

She mentioned going shopping for a new vibrator as the other one is old and may not be around. I do not mind the kinky factor, but if it is the only solution to the problem that is what is sad. I guess if it does not work she may really address the issue.

I am aware of medicine and medications, and offer my opinion but I do not medicate my own wife. She is more worried about the anxiety than the orgasms, and understandably so as it became near disabling. Even with the side affects she loves her Lexapro.

Lexparo is supposed to be better than some, but is still bad. Welbutrin has less sexual affects but is not as good for anxiety; some have good success with adding it or using it to replace Lexapro. Ultram works well with no sexual side affects but is off label and can be addicting. I bought Claritin because for some it helps with sexual side affects but she only took it one or two days.

My wife appreciates that I am concerned. If I wanted one way sex I could pay a prostitute and tell her to moan. My wife also has a complex about taking even more medications than she does already, and this includes supplements.

Anxiety is not uncommon in men but I see more middle aged women than not that are medicated for it. I am not saying some medications are not over prescribed, but I also know several women who I swear need to take something for anxiety that are not taking anything.

Antidepressants/anxiety medications suck.

I once took a beta-blocker for off label reasons to steady hands when tired. It was like anti Viagra and killed my erections. It scared the shit out of me as I was young and in my twenties at the time. I was not living a healthy life at the time so I realized if I really did need to start taking these medications it would suck. So I believe sexual side affects to medications are much more common and severe than stated. Some of the most common mediations have the worst affects.

I know some of you must have advice here. I know at least 50% of the married men have wives on these medications. I understand the science, but practical advice would be appreciated.

icecold,

No question that anti-depressants effect orgasm...I have experienced it first hand. The good news for me is that after about 4 months or so of taking the medication (Effexor), I completely returned to normal and have absolutely no troubles. I can shoot off loads like I used to. Mind you, I'm not on a heavy dose.

So...hang in there...it may clear up on it's own.

I'm not a doctor (even though I play one on TV) but in my wife's case in the past she had doctors prescribing anxiety meds when we now know that it was just good old fashioned excess estrogen.

I'm so glad she didn't stay on that stuff.

Again, I have no idea what I'm talking about when it comes to YOUR WIFE's case.

My wife takes Amitriptyline at night. It has not affected our sex life much. It is very low dose, and mainly takes the edge off. She could take something stronger and it would affect our sex life.

Icecold,

There's a psychiatrist who posts regularly on the Over 35 board. Dr.CleanandPress or something like that. Seems like a really cool guy. (He dislikes most docs!)

Don't know how he'd react, but maybe PM him or something?

Also, is your wife getting any non-med treatment? That could be important in anxiety cases..

Good luck.

I have taken Paxil. That that crap made me into a not orgasming p0rn star. I could go and go and go and go. I would get close to blowing and it would calm right back down. My gf at the time would complain that she was sore and I have to admit I was too. I had to really focus and get lost in the moment to get my peek to blow up. It sucks to not blow and I went off it. Everything is back to normal and lesson learned.

Get the vibrators and everything you need. Look at it this way, new chance to spend more time doing what you love to do with your wife.

Thanks for trying to help everyone.

Doc I really appreciate the long and insightful post.

I will give a bump and let everyone know how this turns out.

I hate SSRI's so much. Doctors are like used car salesmen the way they push them. I got suckered into trying celexa this past couple months. Didn't help anxiety at all, and I'm currently trying to quit. I was puking all night last night. If it is just anxiety she is having, try and get her on benzo's instead. They are addictive, but they actually help, and have very little side effects.

How about something simple, like eliminating caffeine from her diet? Or getting out in the sun to get some vitamin D? (Try buying one sun tan at a salon as an experiement.) If you want to get more complex, look into microcurrent stimulation; see Shug's article on the AlphaStim unit.

I've been a lurker on this site for about a year now and have enjoyed all the helpful info and entertaining stories. Until now, I've never really had a need to post anything but this subject has hit the bullseye of my "life challenges".

I've been battling anxiety and irritability for years and have always just chalked it up as "well, that's just how I am". I've tried Lexapro, Welbutrin, and Celexa (same as Lexapro I think) with limited success. Long story short, it curved some of my symptoms but also threw a HUGE curve in my sex life. Same symptoms as the rest of you-- delayed ejaculation. I mean REALLY delayed. So much so that at times I just gave up and quit. Really sucks.

Recently, I gave up on antidepressants and, naturally, I've become an impatient asshole again. I can, however, ejaculate normally once again.

You guys/gals discussed different types of medications as possible solutions for this and one of them caught my attention (Ultram). Short version-- I had back surgery about 1.5 years ago and one of the pain meds I was given was Tramadol (generic Ultram). This medication not only curved the pain but it also had another effect that I found odd. It actually seemed to put me in a good mood whenever I took it. I would be much less irritable, more patient, and just generally more happy. I don't think this med is a narcotic and perhaps the Doc on here can confirm that??? If it is a narcotic, then that of course explains the positive feelings.

My question is, because of the terrible side effects of the SSIR's and the lack of effectiveness of Welbutrin, is this something that could be prescribed as a form of an antidepressant without any dangers of addiction. I've been taking this off and on, since my surgery, for the last 1.5 years. I'd say I average 3-4 pills per WEEK. Would increasing the dosage to a daily amount put me at risk for addiction or would I eventually develop an immunity?

I know these are questions for my M.D. but, because Ultram is considered a pain medication, I've been afraid to ask him. I'm afraid he won't believe me or feel the use of this med as an antidepressant is unacceptable. Nevertheless, simply typing this and realizing there are others out there with similar situations is almost therapeutic. Has anyone ever had this type of pain med prescribed for symptoms of depression and/or do you think an M.D. would prescribe it for such reasons? Thanks for any help anyone can offer.

Doc-- Thank you very much for the information. I appreciate your good "bedside manner" in this situation. Free advice isn't something that too many people are comfortable giving but I hope you knowing how much you've helped me in the little bit of time you spent, was worth your time. I realize you have to take information on forums like this with a grain of salt but, obviously, you know what you're talking about.

After I posted my message last night, I did some research on my own and found that you are right on the mark. My biggest fear is this med losing it's effect. My neurosurgeon hasn't had a problem (so far) prescribing me Tramadol for some of the residual pain I have from my back surgery (Laminectomy and conjoined nerves) so I'm not worried about being able to get it.

I would like to go to my M.D. and tell him how helpful this med is for my depression/anxiety/irritability/etc, but I'm fearful they'll put some type of note in my file about being a pill junkie. I've never had any activity in the past to indicate me being such but I just don't want to go there.

I'm thinking of taking 1-2 Tramadol per day and see how that does. What surprises me is how long the 50mg pill's effects last. One pill usually has positive effects for over 4-5 hours. I've taken Hydrocodone in the past and it seems to last a whopping 30 minutes. Plus the Hydrocodone almost made me "angry" when it's effects wore off. Seemed like maybe my body was craving more or something. I don't know much about opiates or any of that stuff. Not a drinker and have never smoked.

Just seems like this is the answer for me at least and, after the research I did last night and viewing some of the forums, I'd have to say Tramadol is becoming a widely-used med for this purpose. Hopefully, as you said, the pharmaceutical companies and doctors will get together and make it even better and widen it's intended usage(s).

Thanks again for your information and support.

Hey Ice,
Just following up to see if things have gotten better with your wife?

I was curious how old she is and the ages of the other wives that have experienced an onset of anxiety. I'm curious to see if theres a pattern and therefore this could possibly be a hormonal/natural thing such as menopause.

Hope all is well or at least getting better!

B-3

Anyone that's ever been turned into a non-orgasming porn star due to meds find it easier to climax via masturbating? My wife and I 'knew' this couple where the guy could not climax to save his life from anything other than his own hand. We met another couple that had the same acquaintance and they had the same comment....and sorry to say this, but both the wife and the third party wife didn't really enjoy their time with Mr. No Climax....

Thanks,

Signed,
Perplexed