And let me guess, you regularly fall UP staircases too. ;-)

It's official. I am the Harbinger of Doom. I am no longer contacting any friends as it is sure to end badly for them...

One of my best friends is a guy that I have known for over 10 years. He started dating this chick about 2 months ago, so as one would expect, I haven't heard from him in 2 months.

I was happy that he was finally getting laid as he is a miserable bastard so I waited patiently for the "honeymoon" period to wear off before sending him a text last night to make sure he was in fact still alive.

I: Barely. Shit got really complicated.
SP: What happened? (Like I didn't already know the answer to this one, but I was hoping
for the best)
I: I got J pregnant
SP: Oh fuck. What are you going to do?
I: We are keeping the baby, but we broke up already
SP: I am free this weekend. Let me know when you want to get together.
I: Yeah, I think I need to talk.

When I was in high school my parents and sister used to call me "the root of all evil". It was a family joke because I seemed to bring destruction where ever I went. I think my powers of evil have been lying dormant and are now coming to the surface.

Next step is a mask and a skin tight leather body suit!!

OK. my two weeks of feeling sorry for myself and generally being a whiny little bitch is over!

After spending 3 straight days in varying levels of inebriation it is time to resume life as usual.

In my defense, I felt buried by the string of bad news coming at me from all angles, but in reality, no single event really deserved the "woe is me" attitude I adopted for a week or so.

Time to stop looking for drama to justify another beer.

This is the big money week of 5/3/1 for me. DL today was 200# for 4 reps today which is a bit disappointing so I'll really have to crack down and get after it this next time around.

I figure I will do one more cycle and then go to some full body workouts to shed the winter pounds. Looking forward to warm weather and getting out on the track.

disclaimer: my vow not to bitch so much is directly related to problems in my life. I still reserve the right to complain about bad drivers, obnoxious students, people talking out of their ass, fat people (I just can't help it. Bad mouthing the obese is like my kryptonite) and any sports story I deem retarded.

OK. I love you. Bye. Bye.

I think I might need to start wrapping myself in bubble wrap before leaving the house.

Yesterday I walked right into the bar of a smith machine while returning some cable attachments (that I didn't even use, just tidying up the gym). They keep shrinking the free weight side of the college gym to add more cardio equipment. Why is that stuff getting so damn big? There is an indoor track, why do they need 10 treadmills?

Today I sliced open my finger trying to make a peanut butter and banana wrap. No, it wasn't on a knife...it was the jar of peanut butter. Yeah, I'm that bad.

Fuck Philly sports radio. Enough about McNabb!!! Nearly every sportscaster has picked the Phillies to go to the WS and you fuckers are still whining about Donovan? OK, so Spring Training isn't exactly stellar baseball, but there is a lot of shit to talk about. Why are you wasting air time discussing whether or not McNabb is going to go to the Rams? He's not!

I really thought that things would be different with Missanelli on FM radio. Nope. Perhaps when the season starts, but right now all he does is bitch about fighting in hockey. (Oh, and fielding calls about McNabb). Yes, the Olympic games were exciting, but it had nothing to do with a lack of fighting, it was because they allowed both teams to play physical without blowing the whistle every 2 seconds. Let's be honest, the only thing that could have made the the gold medal game better (aside from a US win) would have been a fight.

And do you really want to even talk about the Sixers? Shit got so bad AI had to leave. Eddie Jordan's got about as much chance of coming back next season as Jerry Manuel has lasting the entire season as the Mets manager. Bat Reyes 3rd?! I hate that fucking punk but he is one of the best lead off hitters in the game. Of course the question remains whether or not the HGH has helped him recover enough to get his 50 bags this year.

Halladay vs. Sabathia tomorrow!! I've scheduled to leave work early to watch this. I am positively giddy with anticipation. I've also heard that Hamels is already throwing faster now than he did all of last year. Fucking Sweet!

It would be awesome if you could stream mlb.tv through the PS3. I've read you can do it with Linux, but that shit is way beyond my abilities. Happ on the mound today vs. Florida State. Aumont and Savery to throw as well. There better be some Phillies chatter on my drive home or I'm taking a hostage.

Random thoughts to kill the next 4 hours until first pitch...

1. Syfy + HD + Next Generation = AWESOME!! When I was in high school, the only things my Dad and I could really relate on were track and Next Generation. Unfortunately for us Night Court was no longer in syndication, plus it got really weird at the end and it makes me feel a little icky when I think about it.
Anyway, NG had to be so much fun to do. I read Bruce Campbell's autobiography and he talks about how people used to make fun of him for doing Hercules. His response was that he got paid to basically play in New Zealand for a few months out of the year.
I love him. I once went on a blind date with a guy because he told me he interviewed Bruce Campbell. The dude was 4 inches shorter than me and despite the fact that he was the editor of a local music "magazine" he continued to agree with my retarded ramblings about music. I admittedly have the worst taste in music and was just trying to see how far he would let me go with it. It was sad.

2. I don't know which is more upsetting to me, the fact that I found a gallery dedicated to pictures of fingers with faces drawn on them, or that I looked at half of them before realizing that it was, in fact, making me dumber by the second.

3. My daughter has finally stopped watching those "educational" crap shows and has graduated to the classics. I no longer have to sit through another episode of Dora and can instead enjoy Tom and Jerry or the Pink Panther. Suite!!
I watched the most fucked up Tom and Jerry last night though. Jerry and his cousin were trying to make Tom think he was trying to commit suicide. It was really weird and funny as hell.

4. I watched a mockumentary last night called CSA: The Confederate States of America. Thank you Netflix! If you have never heard of it, it is presented as a British documentary telling the story of how the South won the Civil War and what happened afterwards. It is really difficult to explain, but definitely worth a gander. Not for the easily offended though!!

Driving to work this morning I heard this story on WFAN and thought it was worth sharing.

Andy Hull is a male nurse at a hospital in Danbury, CT. He is also a former Marine. When an 82 year old man opened fire in the hospital, Hull put himself between the shooter and his coworkers and other patients, sustaining 3 bullet wounds before finally taking the shooter down.

http://www.wfan.com/...audioId=4447721 (WFAN audio)
http://www.newstimes.com/...0178.php#page-1 (article)

Alright, here is an update as I finish the money week of 5-3-1.

Monday: DL: last set 200# for 4--puts 1RM at 220#
Tuesday: Shoulder Press: last set 75# for 2--puts 1RM at 77.5#
Wednesday: rest day
Thursday: heavy bag workout
Friday: squats: 140# for 3--1RM at 150#

A few random thoughts...

My shoulders have been a bit tight the past month or so and I have noticed that it is an inhibiting factor on my presses. This needs to be addressed. Will be doing some research this weekend to "self-diagnose" and work out a plan of attack. My shoulders have always been my weak link in my upper body so this is not really a surprise, I'm just an idiot for not addressing it sooner.

I love the heavy bag!! I am still trying to perfect wrapping my hands/wrists but I am getting better. Last weekend I did a workout with just wrist straps and tore my knuckles open. It may look bad ass the day you do it, but it is not fun to deal with sore knuckles for the next few days. Wraps are much better for me.

I was hoping for higher numbers on my lifts, but I suppose I can't be too surprised as I basically took 2 months off to drink and smoke before getting back in to it. I think I also need to add more calories to my diet. This is really hard for me to do when my bf% is higher than I like it to be, but I am also cutting way back on drinking for a while so that should help even things out.

Going to check out a local farm and dairy to purchase some meat, eggs, milk, etc. this weekend. Have bought free range eggs and organic milk for a while, but through the grocery store. We are trying to make a concerted effort to support more local farms. I recently introduced raw milk and my daughter loves it. I am really looking forward to becoming closer to the food source; I think it will be a great learning experience for my daughter as well.

Do you have a foam roller? If you do make sure to hit your upper back and all around your armpit as all those muscle attachments can be pretty balled up.

Enjoy the trip to Green Acres!

I can't believe you just told me to foam roll, Doug! What's next? You gonna offer to stick it in my pooper? You sick bastard!

We visited 3 different farms on Saturday. One place was owned by a married couple that was a year or two younger than me who were originally from Philly. Stupid motivated people making me feel like an underachiever!!

Seriously though, they started with 5 cows and now are up to 84 and started carrying chickens as well. It was pretty cool to talk to the different people and learn all the various reasons why they do what they do.

Damn the shit is expensive though. We are trying to find ways to save money in other places, but we already cut way back on spending to begin with so its a bit tough.

I suppose we could dip into the beer fund, but let's be serious now! Next year my daughter starts first grade so I only have to pay for after school care which should save a large chunk of change. Last year I spent $10K on child care!

I was totally planning on benching this weekend, but we were busy as hell. Gorgeous fucking weather, though. Spent Saturday and Sunday afternoon biking on the street in front of my house. I cannot wait until the ground dries out and we can get outside and play more. I miss sunshine. My office is in the basement so I have zero windows. By the end of winter I am usually in a pretty good funk.

Monday I benched 115# for 3 which I am OK with, but not really thrilled. I had a lot of distractions through the whole cycle so I am blaming that. I know there were times I took longer between workouts than I wanted to or drank a little too much the night before to adequately get my work in. At least I didn't get pinned under the weight so that is a plus. Did do a little rolling in my warm-up and after so maybe that helped.

Now starts the "deload" week. I need a break from the monotony so I will be leaning more towards "fat burning" workouts. Today was another gorgeous day and the first time I have run outside since September. Did a warm-up mile on the track at a 6:53 pace. It is so weird running on the outdoor track again, I felt like my legs were made of lead and was really surprised at my time when I finished.

After the run and a stretch I did 3 circuits of legs. 10 sets each with 30 seconds rest in between of: bulgarian split squats 30#, Single leg DLs 30#, standing calf raises 160#, step ups 30# and back hyper extensions 25#. Like I said, the goal was low weight with short rest.

If the weather is nice tomorrow I hope to get a slow 2 mile run in just to get the legs moving and then hit upper body on Thursday.

I am still working on a plan for my new garden. I have done a little gardening the past 2 years and am slowly getting better. Swallowed my pride and got "Gardening for Dummies" over the weekend. I am going to try to build a raised bed on the side of the house using some pavers that were around the property from older projects (previous owner). Still need to work on dimensions and a planting schedule, but it is starting to take shape. If this weekend is anything like last, I'll be getting the ground measured out and start preparing the soil. I know, I lead a very exciting life!!

Never one to rest on my laurels, I made incredible progress last night in my quest to become "just another stupid bitch".

Here's the scene: After picking my daughter up from day care/kung fu I noticed my purse was not in my car. I figure I must have left it at home. My mother calls as I am walking in the door and while talking with her I search the house for my purse. Can't find it. Go out to the car. Not there. Check the house again. Nothing. Look under all seats and pull everything out of the car. Still not there.

Now I am panicking. I rarely lock my car when I pick my daughter up because her school is isolated on top of a mountain in an industrial park. Looks like someone must have swiped my purse when I was waiting for kung fu to finish up. Given my recent string of bad luck I fly off the handle and immediately lose my shit.

I call her school to let them know what happened. I call to cancel my bank card and credit card (luckily I only have one credit card). I then realize that my work keys were in my purse so I contact my department head. I also call public safety at work to let them know about my keys.

After speaking to my mother I decide to call the cops. My purse plus all its contents probably aren't even worth $100 but I want to have a record of what happened in case I run in to problems in the future. I don't think the officer was very happy to have to come out so I could report that my wallet bulging with $14 and my 4 year old, generation 1 Ipod nano being stolen.

After getting my daughter to bed I am so keyed up that I down 4 yeunglings in an hour and eventually fall asleep on the couch. About midnight I get up to go to bed. Nearly as soon as my head hits the pillow a new and completely different sense of panic hits me. I KNOW WHERE THE FUCK MY PURSE IS!!!

Yup. I had stopped at the grocery store on the way home and for reasons I still cannot fathom decided to put my purse in my trunk. When I unloaded the groceries I completely missed the black purse in the black trunk. I then didn't think to check that I had my purse before running out to pick up my daughter as her school is 10 minutes from the house. I never put my purse in the trunk and the thought of checking the trunk never entered my mind.

My first thought was, "Is there any way I can hide this new development from everyone so that I don't look like a complete fucking moron". It is clear to me that I have to face the music and I sheepishly head out to the living room to tell the bf. Having lived with me for 3 years, he is not terribly surprised by my announcement.

Next I call the school so they do not freak everyone out in the morning thinking there is a thief on the premises. And then the police. Oddly enough, the cop did not sound too surprised by my confession which leads me to believe I am not the first one to do this. And finally I call public safety (now at 1:30am) to let them know there is no reason to change the locks on the doors.

As penance for my irrational behavior, I have no bank or credit cards for 5-7 business days. This truth sunk in when I stopped to get gas this morning and was limited to getting $14 worth, as some fucking lunatic reported my debit card as stolen.

I'll tell you one thing, being insanely retarded is fucking exhausting!!

just to let you know your not alone... many of your adventures remind me of myself, i blame it on the kids
they give you mommy-brain..... :) and i have 4 so imagine a day in my life :)

keep it up .... use the gym as your relief

Thanks Robilyn. Good to know I am not alone.

In news that that makes me feel like I am not the dumbest person on the planet, Bud Selig's "special" committee announces a plan for floating divisions in baseball. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.c...

Since the Yankees and Red Sox have so dominated the AL East (and subsequently the wild card spot) a plan was announced to allow teams to choose what division they want to compete in from year-to-year based on geography, payroll and their plans to contend or not. WTF!?!

I am so dumbfounded that this idea even made it out of the drawing room that I am speechless. And what if you are on one of those teams that decides at the beginning of the year that they aren't going to compete? What the hell kind of message does that send? Sure, we can assume that the Pirates will trade away McCutchen by the end of the season, but at least they aren't saying they are throwing in the towel in March.

Yes, I can see the frustration for teams like the Blue Jays or Orioles. They do not have the market to support the payroll they would need to compete with NY and BOS and the odds of having a season like the Rays 2 years ago are not that good. But how is this going to fix anything?

OK, fine, move the "lesser" teams into a division so that they have a better chance of competing. What should we call this new division? Oh wait, I know...The Fucking MINOR LEAGUES!!

There is just so much wrong with this that it can only be adequately discussed at a bar with a few pints. Thank god for free weekends!!

My perfect day to myself:

Get in and knock out all my work early this morning so I can leave at lunch.
Hit the gym before I head home.
Eat and take a nap.
Smoke a bit, have a beer and watch MLB Tonight.
Treat myself to a little lovin'.
Meet some friends later for sushi.
Close the night at my local bar.
Stumble home and get some.

The things I enjoy are so much simpler in my 30s.

disclaimer: while I am pretty sure posting this is a good idea right now, I also have a good amount of THC fueling this decision.

Hooray for sunshine!! The rain was really starting to get to me. I managed to get in a run and a lower body workout on Monday despite being unbelievably unmotivated.

Today was a heavy bag day followed by the Kenpo workout from P90X. My left cross is still tragic, but slowly getting better. I think my next purchase might be a speed bag.

Wednesday was a running day--hit 6:40 for my mile which I am pretty pleased about, especially knowing that I have the whole summer to improve. Yesterday was an upper body day. Opened both garage doors to let the sunlight and fresh air in. I am torn between doing a leg workout and taking a rest today. I'll probably decide after lunch.

My bracket is a nightmare. I think my 5 year old is actually beating me at the moment. How the hell did she call the Murray St./Vanderbilt upset? I swear she must be some sort of NCAA savant. She also had Robert Morris beating Nova, which should have happened were it not for some wildcat friendly refs. Weird first day of the tournament. Mad props to Lehigh for showing a lot of heart against Kansas.

Cliff Lee suspended for the first 5 games of the season after throwing at Snyder of the D-backs. Tee-hee. His smirk was priceless in the post game interview, but I really don't agree with the suspension. The league is getting out of control with this shit. I'm not saying that we should turn a blind eye to headhunting, but they are making it more and more difficult for pitchers to throw inside for fear they might lose control and plunk a batter; I don't buy Lee's "it got away from me" excuse for a second though. Obviously my views are biased as I am not the one taking a 95 mile an hour fast ball to the ribs.

Dominc Brown tore it up this Spring (.417 AVG .464 OBP, and .750 SLG). I love this kid, but am curious what the hell they are going to do with another left handed bat. Werth's contract is up this year which leads one to think he might be used as trade bait for a potential relief pitcher at the deadline. Then again, I don't see how they could move his bat out of the line-up with no other right handed bats able to step in.

Maybe they will try to get a little something for Raul to open a spot for Brown. They cannot let this guy sit in the minors like they did to Howard! Besides, the thought of a Brown, Victorino, and Werth outfield makes me wet; all of that fucking speed out there and some strong arms. Suite!! I love Rauuuul as much as the next person, but come on!

i have no idea what you are talking about. leg workout...then ?